2018

Why though?

2018 was a rough year for me. 

I was working for a large insurance company. Every morning I would park my car on the roof of the office parking garage. I'd look over the edge and think about jumping. I'd count the five floors to the pavement below. After work I'd call my sister crying, telling her how I couldn't do it any longer. I'd drive to the house I stayed at with my long-term boyfriend, anticipating how many bottles of wine we'd both need in order to stop seeing the disdain behind each other's eyes.

 

Finally in the fall, I snapped. I had two options, death or a major life overhaul. I ended my relationship, quit my well-paying job and moved into my car. 

 

I still had a lot of internal work to do and this trip in no way "fixed" me. Though I do like to think that the conversations I had with myself while hiking in the isolated, grizzly bear owned, woods of Montana and tracing the footsteps of wolves along the edge of Yellowstone's sulphur springs helped get me to a point where I was ready to start the work. If anything, I got a lot of pretty pictures and had a hell  of a lot of fun. I'm glad I made the right choice. 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 

800-273-8255

suicidepreventionlifeline.org